The beauty of anonymity

Hey, all. All non of you, yet.

Let me introduce myself: I am NOT politically correct. I am not going to feel bad for anything I post here. I am not going to be nice, or polite, or anything other than an anonymous dude typing what I feel like typing.

Feel like replying? Great! Expect me to qualify my point of view? Nope. You may think me insane, but I don't care what you think. I have a wife and a family who I can argue with when I want discussion about basically anything I think that they feel needs correction. I care very little for going back and fourth with I's and O's across the interweb.

That being said: I like American cars built before 1973. I like guitars. I love Jesus, the effed up church who represents him, and my wife.

You like imports, you say? You think the US has lost touch with what car buyers want, you say.

I don't care. This blog is for me. The fact that you are reading this is not a testament to my narcissism, but your voyeurism. I think unions have poisoned the US automaking industry. You're pro union? I don't care. I won't argue with you.

Oh, yeah. I also swear. A lot. Oh, but you say Christians don't swear! You've never been around when my dad stubs his toe. I hold to the conviction that Christ would be much more insulted by sweet words and a hypocritical heart than swearing genuinely. Hands held high in worship with absolutely no resolve to let the Creator of your soul change the way you live when you walk out the church doors, in my opinion, is blasphemy far beyond dropping the "F bomb" when you bloody your knuckles working on a car for someone who has no means to repay you.

Christ urges us to leave rage, vengeance, and violence behind; not a cathartic outcry of "Fuck, that hurt!" If you disagree, I won't argue with you. I've met very genuine people who think swearing is "sinful." I don't swear around them. Paul urges us not to use our liberty in gray areas to stumble brothers who may have opposing convictions.

I don't drink around "dry" Christians. I don't swear around denim jumpsuit clad home schoolers who think uttering the word "crap" will send you to Hell.

But in this blog, I represent me. The paradigm that I hold to states that I represent Christ, and I will try to do that to the best of my ability. That being said, this is an outlet. I don't have it all down, yet. I won't censor myself in my struggles, and I won't try to bullshit a blog to make myself feel better. I know my place; I am searching in dim light. I am forgiven at an unimaginable cost, but treat it like a right, or fluff padding, or a fallback plan when I can't seem to find my self control.

I am a traitor to the cross with brief moments of loyalty that I use to credit myself as "good." I am a raving lunatic with precious seconds of lucidity. I am selfish, uncouth, chauvinistic, and stupid. I have no qualms with labeling myself thus. Now you don't have to.

This is the beauty of anonymity. I can say what I feel, and you can glean a little of my insight, if you want, for better or for worse. You get to experience things as they come; not filtered and processed, the way my wife gets them.

Just a side note: I love my wife. She is the completion of what I am supposed to be here on Earth. She is my best friend, my confidant, and my accountability. She knows me better than I know me. She is beautiful, an amazing cook, and is the most selfless and dedicated partner I could ever ask for. She just gets the processed version of my brain because I am caustic, abrasive, and rude about things when I'm in the midst of them. I do not desire to be any of these things to her, ever.

The point of this whole thing is this: This is my prayer journal. This is my proof to myself that I can commit to something that's not right in my face. This is my own personal status report on me, and how I relate to Christ.

I am flaming wreckage of failure to Jesus, but He uses me, anyway. This is the simplest form of my personal theology.

Brace yourself, kids. I plan not to leave this empty or unwritten in for more than 48 hours at a time. I'll commit to that, and try to update every day.

Remember: This is for ME, as I relate to GOD. Not for you. Or you, or you, over there, with the stupid hat. Definitely not for you.